I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
