So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
