You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
