yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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