so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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