i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
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I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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