I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
