What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
