This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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