i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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