i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
she woke up with a sticky ear
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
