Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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