Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
