I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
