I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
