Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
