At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
