Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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