i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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