Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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