I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I got inside last night via doggy door
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
