1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
