2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
