Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
