At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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