I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
