Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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