Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Randomize
