He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
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