My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
