How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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