I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online