I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.