bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
