so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
