Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
