I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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