OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
