the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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