he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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