I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
