Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
