I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
