I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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