Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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