Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
