Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my liver is dry heaving
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
