saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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