note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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