A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
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