What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
