when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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