Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
