I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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