I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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