just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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