The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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