i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
