Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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