Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
