Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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