i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
They are going to name an STD after you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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