The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
