Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
