no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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