let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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