That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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