I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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