We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
send nudes
from the living room?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
