He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
