capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
