if i can run in heels then i can drive
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
