tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
