Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
