What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Randomize
